We’re reintroducing Lani Starkey. Almost ten years ago, Lani was thrust into the national spotlight after an appearance on First Dates Australia made her one of the most recognisable faces of the series.
Instead of chasing momentum, Lani chose to step away from reality TV fame in her mid-20s to prioritise her mental wellbeing, personal growth, and the quiet rebuilding of her life after intense media attention.
Now, at 35, she’s returned with a sharper voice and a powerful message about beauty, ageing and reinvention on her own terms.
Image: @lanistarkey. Credit: Provided.
Within a matter of months, she was featured on Chanel’s WeLoveCoco platform and went on to collaborate with Lancôme, Clarins, Moroccanoil, L’Oréal Paris and Maybelline.
While 35 is undeniably young, conversations about ageing often begin far earlier for women in beauty and modelling — a reality that many quietly navigate.
We’ve spoken to Lani about her journey, and about facing ageism in the industry.
You’ve spoken about feeling unseen in your earlier years. What helped you shift from blending in to fully embracing your own identity, especially as a Chinese-Australian?
“When I moved to Australia, my name was changed to help me fit in. My stepdad thought it would make life easier in a small country town, and I know it came from a place of protection.
But it also taught me early on that being Chinese and being myself wasn’t always safe or accepted.
Image: @lanistarkey. Credit: Provided.
Over time, therapy, seeing more representation in media and social media, and reading the stories of others who faced similar struggles became deeply healing.
It gave me the language I never had growing up. The biggest shift came when I became a mum.”
Your First Dates Australia appearance happened unexpectedly and became the highest-rated episode of the series. How did that sudden national attention impact you at the time?
“At the time, it was quite a traumatic experience. As a twenty-something, I was still figuring out who I was, and that level of visibility didn’t feel safe, it felt exposing. One day I was anonymous, and the next I was being recognised on the street.
I didn’t have the emotional tools to handle it, so part of me just wanted to disappear. Looking back, I’ve learnt that being visible doesn’t always mean feeling seen.
Without self-love and self-understanding, that kind of attention can be disorienting, but it can also be the push that helps you grow.”
Reflecting on the above, what would you say to young Lani?
“I would tell her, “I see your pain. I see you trying to survive in a world that never truly saw you.
I see how people projected their own ideas of what an Asian woman should be, and how that made it harder for you to simply be yourself.”
Image: @lanistarkey. Credit: Provided.
I have so much compassion for that younger version of me, the girl who did her best with the little support she had, who just wanted to feel safe, accepted, and free to be herself.
I’m proud of her for surviving, for finding her voice, and for learning to thrive in her truth.”
After almost a decade away from the public eye, what made you feel ready to return?
“I needed time away to live life outside the spotlight and figure out who I was. That space gave me the chance to heal, grow, and build a sense of self that wasn’t shaped by other people’s opinions.
Coming back now feels aligned with my purpose, to show that transformation is possible, and that our stories have the power to heal not just ourselves, but others too.
I know what it’s like to forget your own light, and I don’t want anyone else to dim theirs. Looking back, I think being thrust into the spotlight so young was the universe’s way of showing me my path, even if I didn’t see it then.”
What message do you have for women approaching their 30s, or in their mid-30s?
“Your 30s aren’t something to fear, they’re an invitation to deepen into who you are. Don’t compare your life to others, because we’re all walking different paths, shaped by where we began and what we’ve had to overcome.
Image: @lanistarkey. Credit: Provided.
Some have more support, while others have to carve their own path, and that’s okay. Your story isn’t over. It’s never too late to redefine who you are or how the world sees you.
Society often tells women we peak in our twenties, but I don’t believe that’s true. With time comes self-awareness, confidence, and wisdom that no amount of youth can replace.”
And a quick one: What are your favourite 3 beauty products right now?
The Kérastase Nutritive Masquintense Hair Mask, Clarins Double Serum, and the CHANEL Lip and Cheek Balm in shade 1 “Red Camellia”.
Shop Lani’s picks below:
What’s Next for Lani
Today, Lani is building a long-term platform from Brisbane that celebrates inner confidence, creative reinvention, and all things age-inclusive beauty.
She remains committed to shifting the conversation around what it means to grow, evolve and thrive at every stage of life.
Find her on socials on TikTok and Instagram.
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