Banner Image: Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with. Credit: @alishabhojwani_
There’s a line in that Vogue piece by Chanté Joseph that’s been living rent-free in my head:
“Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore.”
And I thought, finally. Someone said it out loud.
Because as someone who’s been single for a while, not out of avoidance but intention, I’ve felt this shift happening quietly for years.
We’re watching women unlearn the idea that love is what completes them.
We’re learning that being seen doesn’t have to come at the cost of being ourselves.
When Being Chosen Used to Mean Being Worthy
In Desi culture, you grow up knowing a woman’s timeline isn’t really her own. There’s always that question: “When are you getting married?” Sometimes it’s teasing, sometimes it’s a warning that your worth has an expiry date.
Every family gathering carries the same undertone, as if your life hasn’t truly begun until someone else claims it.
And for a long time, I believed it. I thought being chosen, getting the big shiny ring meant I was finally enough.
Image: There’s something powerful about embracing every version of yourself — the cultural, the feminine, the evolving. Credit: @alishabhojwani_
So, I stayed with my partner who never saw me, heard me, or cared to know my heart. At first, it felt nice, validating even, to have finally “found my person.” But as one year rolled into nine, I realised there’s a quiet grief in dimming your light to fit inside someone else’s life.
You stop ordering dessert because he’s “being good.” You skip the red lipstick because he prefers “natural.” You give up your dreams to make space for his. Before you know it, you’ve traded a thousand small pieces of yourself for the comfort of being chosen.
When I finally left, I thought I was walking away from one relationship. What I didn’t realise was that I was also leaving behind an entire belief system.
When Relationships Became Content
Around the same time, relationships became content. Suddenly the loudest declaration of love wasn’t how you felt, but what you posted.
“Boyfriend reveals,” matching holiday photos, captions about being “lucky” they became the proof of a good life.
Our identities revolved around his plans, his path, his future.
But slowly, something started to shift.
Why Women Started Decentering Men
You could feel it in the music first. Women began reclaiming their voices. Songs like Flowers by Miley Cyrus turned into an anthem for self-love and sovereignty. “I can love me better than you can” wasn’t bitterness; it was clarity.
The collective energy changed. The new aesthetic wasn’t a “boyfriend reveal” anymore it was “main-character energy.” Publicly having a boyfriend lost its status-symbol shine. Independence became the new flex.
We started to realise that empowerment was never about being alone; it was about not abandoning yourself when you were with someone.
Image: Women are solo tripping, exploring,and embracing things that they originally held to share with partners. Credit: @alishabhojwani_
At the same time, dating culture became its own theatre.
Men thought a 10 p.m. “u up?” text was effort, while women were doing the inner work… therapy, healing, re-learning what real effort looked like. Consistency. Mutual respect. Kindness. Emotional availability.
We began to see the difference between the love we were told to chase and the love that actually nourished us.
And I don’t blame women for feeling disillusioned. Scroll through any feed and you’ll find twenty-part series titled “Who the f did I marry?” women telling the truth about what really went on behind closed doors.
What used to be “don’t air your dirty laundry” has become solidarity, a way of saying, “You’re not crazy, you just deserve more.”
So of course, the chorus became, “Don’t claim men.” Not out of bitterness, but out of survival.
What We’re Really Afraid of
If I’m honest, I’m not scared of love. I’m scared of losing myself in it. I’ve done that before and so have you… the quiet erasure, the way boundaries blur to make something work, the way you talk yourself into crumbs and call it compromise.
So, I stopped performing for love.
Image: Taking care of yourself is not indulgence — it’s how you return to yourself after years of shrinking. Credit: @alishabhojwani_
I took time to be with myself, to fill my weekends with friends, to cook dinner for one without feeling like I was waiting for someone to join me. That time alone became my mirror.
And what it’s taught me is that solitude isn’t punishment; it’s how you remember who you are.
The 6 years I’ve poured into myself single has helped me unlearn what Disney raised me on: That love isn’t meant to rescue you; it’s meant to meet you.
Women Are Prioritising Themselves Now
Image: One of the biggest shifts for women today is the way we build community around healing, growth, and self-discovery — not relationship status. Credit: @alishabhojwani_
And finally, the world is starting to recognise it. We’re in a moment where women aren’t waiting to be chosen.
We’re choosing ourselves first, we’re investing in peace, in friendships, in healing. We’re building businesses, booking solo trips, rediscovering hobbies and joy.
We’ve learned that self-worth grows in quiet moments, not through validation or the title of “girlfriend” or “wife.”
Decentering men doesn’t mean rejecting love; it means making space for our identities to exist fully.
Image: Rebuilding yourself often happens in the small, joyful rituals — the ones that remind you who you are outside of love. Credit: @alishabhojwani_
For me, it looks like asking, “Does this expand me or erase me?”.
It’s keeping the rituals that make me feel grounded from skincare, journaling, prayer.
It’s about choosing men who pour into you, not leave you feeling ?!?!!.
Because real love can only exist when both people are nourished. It’s two people expanding, not one disappearing.
So Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?
So to answer Chanté Joseph’s question, No.. having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing but shrinking yourself to keep one?
That’s humiliating… because the goal was never to be chosen.
It was to stay yourself, even when the world tells you not to.
Image: The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous. Credit: @alishabhojwani_
If You’re in This Chapter
If you’re in your self-worth era, learning to hold your own hand, unlearning urgency, and building a life that already feels like yours, you’re not behind.
You’re breaking a pattern generations deep.
Love will meet you when you meet yourself.
Until then, keep choosing you.
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