If you’re wanting to know how to ask people for help in a professional setting, or perhaps from someone further along in their career, there is an art for asking for it.
And yes, this includes any “quick coffee chats” or anytime you’re asking to “pick someone’s brain”. For the sake of this article, we’re focusing on email and LinkedIn/DMs.
I’m sharing not only what I’ve learnt from others around my circle, but also the no-nos about what is best to avoid, having been on the other end of it.
If you reach out thoughtfully, experienced professionals are often far more generous with their time and knowledge than people expect. If you approach them carelessly, the opposite happens, and it can leave everyone feeling frustrated.
Here are the principles that make these interactions respectful of both time and value, as well as
Respect The Lines of Contact (AKA: How to Message Someone for Advice Without Overstepping)
First and foremost – respect the communication channel someone has set.
If someone has always emailed you, do not suddenly text them. If they text you, do not call them (for the love of god…). If they speak to you via LinkedIn, do not switch to Instagram DMs.
People set these boundaries deliberately. You are not entitled to faster responses or a different communication style simply because you want one.
A simple example. I once messaged a marketing executive at a brand I wanted to contact for a client. She replied kindly and said something along the lines of: “This is my personal content page, I don’t discuss work here. Please email me at…”
Read: 4 ways to Think like a Software Engineer and Win your next Project
That was perfectly reasonable. Once she provided her professional contact details, the boundary was clear. Going back to the DMs – even to bump up with “just checking if you saw my email” – would have been completely inappropriate.
When someone communicates their preferred contact method, respect it. That is the baseline for a professional interaction.
Creatives also work differently. There are many people who I help over email in detail and give lots of time to because that’s simply where I’m better – it’s easy to brain dump answers using voice-to-text in that context. You need to work with their preferred communication styles and their timelines, not against them.
Give The Information Upfront (AKA: What to Say When Asking Someone for Help)
If you are asking someone for help professionally, be clear about what you are asking.
This means explaining:
- What the situation is clearly, and who the stakeholders are
- What kind of advice you are looking for (a few dot points, detailed feedback, or a coaching conversation?)
- How much time you are asking for
An example. Recently, I asked a well-known publicist for feedback on White Rabbit Social’s media kit. I have plenty of experience with creator media kits, but publication kits are a slightly different space. I wanted a professional perspective.
Feedback like that is something people charge for. It is skilled labour. So I approached the conversation respectfully and clearly outlined how much time and input I was asking for – not assuming or expecting.
Read: 5 Magic Questions For Work Relationships
I did not immediately send the media kit either. Instead, I said something along the lines of:
“I’m currently working on an updated media kit for White Rabbit Social and was wondering if you’d be open to having a skim through and providing feedback on the content in it (specifically if it’s too long, as well as our rates as a publication vs our metrics). A few dot points of your insight would be extremely appreciated, I really value your experience in the field. Absolutely no pressure – I know you’re busy and don’t want to assume.”
Without the pressure or assumption that she would say yes.
What Not To Say vs What Actually Works
Compare that to one of the most common messages people send:
Avoid: “Hey Minnie – can I ask you a question?”
The problem with this message is that it immediately creates extra work. The person receiving it now has to ask: About what? How long will this take? Is this a quick answer or a complicated situation? It creates a back-and-forth that wastes time before the conversation has even started.
Great to do: “Hi Minnie – I’ve received a brand collaboration request from [brand name] and I’m unsure how to price it. They haven’t said their budget, but I’ve worked with them in the past for [rate] when I was at 3000 followers. They’ve also asked for boosting rates. Would you be open to sharing any advice? I appreciate your time.”
This is clear, direct, and easy to respond to in one message. Make your message easy to respond to – that is the whole game.
Only Ask For Support if You’re Ready to Act
This one is uncomfortable but perhaps the most important.
A lot of people ask for advice when they are not actually ready to take action. They want information, reassurance, or to understand how things work – but they are not yet prepared to apply the advice. When you are in informational-gathering mode, it is generally not the right time to bring others in, unless it is a very simple “please point me in the right direction.”
I have spent time helping creators develop media kits – reviewing drafts, giving feedback, going through one-on-one conversations. Then at the end, the response is: “I just don’t feel confident sending emails to brands yet.” I get it. I genuinely do. But that is not what was communicated at the start, and it is not something advice alone can fix. That is a confidence conversation – best had with a trusted friend or counsellor.
Seeking guidance works best when you are already one or two steps away from implementing something.
If you are still at the earliest stage – researching, thinking, exploring – that is completely fine. But that stage is often better served by reading articles, watching interviews, or studying what others have already shared publicly.
If You Just Want to Vent, Say That!
Sometimes people do not want advice. They want to vent. That is completely human – but it needs to be communicated honestly.
Do not approach someone under the guise of asking for help professionally if what you really want is to talk through frustrations. Especially when the person you are reaching out to is significantly ahead in their career. Their time is often extremely limited, and those conversations tend to focus on solutions.
Read: 5 Magic Questions For Work Relationships
This is very relationship-dependent, of course. Close colleagues and friends can absolutely support each other emotionally. But if you are reaching out to someone you barely know for professional guidance, keep the conversation focused, constructive – and short.
On a personal note – I so deeply hear and feel when women reach out to me with anything related to self-worth, specifically in an industry where they are constantly undervalued. It is heartbreaking and emotional. I think about it every single day.
But if I am giving someone one-on-one time, we cannot focus on a systematic, structural issue. We can only focus on what that person is skilled in and can move into. And as difficult as it is, I often find that redirecting attention away from what we cannot control and onto what we can is the best path forward.
Don’t Be Entitled – Be Easy to Help
One of the most overlooked qualities in professional relationships is simply being easy to help.
If someone offers their time, respect the scope of what they offer. If they agree to review your media kit, do not suddenly add three more requests. If they answer one question, do not follow it with ten more.
Act on the advice first. Show progress. Better yet, follow up just to share how you applied their input. Then, if appropriate, reconnect later. People are far more willing to help someone who demonstrates they actually use what they receive.
Read: 4 ways to Think like a Software Engineer and Win your next Project
One thing I have noticed over time is that when people reach out in vague terms – wanting advice, guidance, or insight without much clarity about where they are in the process – I usually give them a small next step. Not in a gatekeeping way, but simply to understand whether this is something I can genuinely help with.
Something like:
- Write down ten brands you would love to work with
- Outline your goals for the next six months
- Draft a pitch email
- Tell me what you want your content to be known for
These are small exercises designed to move someone one step closer to clarity. But they are also very revealing. Honestly? Eight out of ten times, people do not follow through.
And that is okay – everyone moves at their own pace. But it also tells me quickly whether my time is well spent.
PS: If you are someone who finds yourself constantly helping others, I would strongly recommend building a default next step for the most common questions you receive. If they take it – great, you have something real to work with. If they don’t, that is your answer.
Show That You’ve Done The Legwork
This might be the most important principle of all – and it applies whether you are asking for advice over email, on LinkedIn, or in person.
If someone’s time is your very first step into solving a problem, you probably have not done enough preparation.
Before reaching out, ask yourself:
- Have I researched this already?
- Have I read their articles or resources?
- Have I tried something myself first?
The best messages I receive usually look something like this:
“Hi Minnie – I read your article about media kits and it was really helpful. I’ve written a draft pitch email based on it. Would you be open to taking a quick look?”
That message shows effort. It gives someone something tangible to work with.
Say Thank You in a Way That Matters To Them
Personally, I do not care about praise or recognition in this context – but I do notice the difference between people who genuinely appreciate help and people who simply move on to the next request.
The most thoughtful people always look for ways to give back. That might look like:
- Engaging with someone’s articles or content
- Sharing their work with others
- Recommending their newsletter
- Supporting their projects
- If it’s a big deal – flowers, a physical gift, or a gift card
It does not need to be transactional. It is simply a reflection of basic respect and appreciation – and people remember it.
How To Follow Up Professionally (Without Guilt-Tripping Anyone)
Follow up is an art. And it is only as good as the relationship you have taken the time to build. It cannot exist in isolation.
I know there will always be a LinkedIn post somewhere claiming, “I sent a thousand cold emails and that’s how I raised $2 billion in funding.” If you are working at the micro level – building a career, creating opportunities, developing relationships – that approach is not particularly useful. What matters far more is making fewer, stronger connections.
Your outreach should be high quality. Ideally, you are reaching out to people who already recognise your name when it appears in their inbox. Even better if the connection is warm.
Read: How To: Rubber Duck Debugging. A Problem-Solving Tool Beyond Coding
One of the biggest mistakes I see when people talk about building a network is completely overlooking the talent already around them. Colleagues, collaborators, peers – these are often the strongest starting point.
But if you are reaching outside that circle, you need to have done the legwork. Support the person first. Understand their work. Be able to articulate why you value what they do. A thoughtful message might say:
“I’ve been following your articles on Y and found your piece on Z particularly helpful. It clarified a few things I was working through. That’s actually why I’m reaching out – I was hoping to ask your perspective on…”
That kind of outreach shows respect. It demonstrates that you know the value they bring, and that you are not asking for their time blindly.
Recently, I followed up with someone who is widely considered a leader in their industry. She responded saying she was genuinely impressed by the way I approached the conversation and suggested I should write about it. So yes – my ego may be slightly inflated right now.
Here is what she said landed:
“I love the way you followed up by asking ‘Is there anything I can do to move this forward?’ – perfect way to not guilt trip someone.” This puts the ball in your court and opens space for them to be direct. Maybe you asked too many questions, maybe they simply needed a gentle reminder – this phrasing makes it easy for them to take a next step.
“I love that you didn’t give up, you tried again and it worked.” If you value their input, do not give up. But make it worth their time.
“That combined with the way you gave to the relationship before you asked – by supporting me on social and sharing constructive, helpful comments.” Emojis don’t count. Comment with actual value. Ask questions you genuinely want answered. Be a real cheerleader.
How To Ask for Advice Over Email vs LinkedIn
The channel matters – and the approach shifts slightly depending on where you are reaching out.
Over email: You have a little more space. A concise paragraph of context, a clear and specific ask, and a polite close is all you need. Do not send attachments without asking first. Do not use email as an excuse to write an essay.
On LinkedIn: Keep it even shorter. LinkedIn messages get skimmed. Lead with your connection to their work, make your ask in one sentence, and leave room for a simple yes or no. If they say yes, you can follow up with the detail.
In both cases: one ask per message, make it easy to respond to, and respect whatever channel they reply on.
What Would You Add?
This topic was on my mind for a few reasons. Today I am having back-to-back conversations with people many would consider leaders in their industries – experts who are very generously supporting my next venture. These are also people who have supported me previously and who have been part of my journey.
And in return, I make a very conscious effort to support them however I can. I try to elevate their work, celebrate their achievements, and contribute where it matters to them. Not because I am expecting anything in return, but because that is simply how healthy ecosystems and support systems work.
Read: Quitting a Toxic Corporate Job: The Hardest And Best Thing I’ve Ever Done
If you approach someone thoughtfully – respecting their time, communicating clearly, and showing that you have already done the work – you may be surprised by how willing people are to support you.
If you approach people carelessly or with entitlement, those doors may quietly close. And more importantly, those habits tend to carry into other relationships as well.
As always, if you have thoughts on this – or even if you disagree – feel welcome to share them anonymously below.
Minnie xx
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